You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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