You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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