It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
