i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
