i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
