At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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