i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
