I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
