This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
