When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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