this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
