i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So much Jack, so little girl.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
