Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
