best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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