Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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