Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
