ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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