went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
