I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
