my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
