There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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