the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
