I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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