What a fucking waste of an outfit
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
