is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
