He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
