gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
