it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
