if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
