I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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