Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
