3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
