Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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