i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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