and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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