i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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