My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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