The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And then my night got REAL pukey
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
