at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
