in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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