kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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