just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
