I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
