You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT