Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.

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  (413): Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go. http://tfl.nu/wjr6
  Replies (18) Good night (561) Bad night (1761)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Do you have a shampoo for semen

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Or a time machine

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  (604): Do you have a shampoo for semen (604): Or a time machine http://tfl.nu/n3wr
  Replies (29) Good night (1027) Bad night (3531)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11550) Bad night (887)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

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  (540): I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen. http://tfl.nu/c2d0
  Replies (14) Good night (5448) Bad night (858)
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  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8390) Bad night (1204)
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  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8499) Bad night (779)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

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  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (43) Good night (9570) Bad night (1001)
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  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (1004) Bad night (7859)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6906) Bad night (1185)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

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  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (3132) Bad night (1145)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.

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  (970): The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch. http://tfl.nu/vgkc
  Replies (5) Good night (1259) Bad night (550)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.

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  (773): If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you. http://tfl.nu/rtfn
  Replies (5) Good night (1715) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.

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  (781): Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours. http://tfl.nu/9pdv
  Replies (11) Good night (1831) Bad night (1233)
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  (518): View more from New York

  he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  do you still have it? i kinda want to see.

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  (518): he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner. (732): do you still have it? i kinda want to see. http://tfl.nu/j8xe
  Replies (4) Good night (1948) Bad night (609)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
  Replies (10) Good night (1793) Bad night (690)

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