u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids