Where are you?
In a non slutty way
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.