sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There r osticjed everywhere
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
