dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
