My first STD was from a foam party
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
