Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
