I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
