i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
