how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
