I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
