I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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