haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
