So drunk its hurt
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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