the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
