so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
