do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
