omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
