Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.