i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.