If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
zippers are such a cool invention
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.