people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.