are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say