I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
