We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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