Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
