I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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