i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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