Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think my fart just growled at me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
