I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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