I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
