It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
