Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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